private hearts with public parts.

Some like to, some don’t.
Some spend their entire life avoiding getting burned.
Me, well I like to throw myself right amidst the flames.
Probably why I’ve got the most scars.
Probably why I’ve had the most fun.

I remember begging for that painstaking love, you know… the kind that leaves you weak and on the floor when they text. It’s so unhealthy but you’ve never felt more alive in that moment. It tears you apart and makes you shake most of the time but if they care about you back it doesn’t matter.

“Forced by the pressure,
The territories marked,
No longer the pleasure,
Oh, I’ve since lost the heart.”

I’d say I still haven’t found what I’m looking for, though I haven’t even found the answer to what it is that I want.

I seem to be cannibalistic in my romantic life, I chew up more than I get spat out.
I can’t seem to control my boring assault for male dalliances.

After recently playing the fool for my first time (which was an extended show), I think I’ve become bitter. Or a little bit as bad as the one I so regularly prosecute. I don’t want anyone, yet I’m constantly looking. Probably because I’ve constantly had relationships.

It’s just so obvious I love a chase.
It gets me going to select a target in a crowded room and play the game. A game I never win nor lose, or even finish.. i just like the bullshit?

Sick in the head haha…

I wrote this one year ago, just weeks,months before falling into my depression.

I’m reading blog posts from this time last year which I had to take offline.

I wouldn’t change a thing.