This could be short-lived, thus the wheel - but I’m going to enjoy this moment in which I’ve created something for me and I’m free to enjoy it.
There’s no one in my life but it’s probably better that way, lest I be some headcase overanalysing every two words some boy ever strung together. No one enjoys that, but we’ve all been there.
Things aren’t 100% perfect but in this moment I’m able to see the effects of taking charge of your own life and getting shit done. You’re all probably sick of hearing about this but a year ago my life was a complete mess. People thought I was going to die.. if that’s any indication of why this sudden burst of independence and confidence is so important to me right now.
I hope you can look at what you’re achieving right now and feel the same. :)
“But even so, every now and then I would feel a violent stab of loneliness. The very water I drink, the very air I breathe, would feel like long, sharp needles. The pages of a book in my hands would take on the threatening metallic gleam of razor blades. I could hear the roots of loneliness creeping through me when the world was hushed at four o’clock in the morning.”—The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle
Phil, Stu and Doug return to Las Vegas for Phil’s wedding. Coincidentally, Alan is already there drugging random strangers. Alan: “I’m fat and I have a beard, Phil! Are we best friends? No drugs this time!” Phil and Stu invite him to their executive suite for beer…
And for some reason it still makes me upset. He’s with another girl now and they’re very happy, and this makes me happy because all we did was fight.. but I think it’s one of those first love things. No one has really mattered all too much since then and sometimes I wonder if I can even have feelings for someone like that now.
It doesn’t bother me in my everyday life because we’ve become such different people.. It’s just every now and then when a song comes on from those years together, it gets to me. How can you have those feelings for someone - so much so you thought you couldn’t live without them at the time.. and one day four years later just be like, exchanging fb comments here and there but not really knowing each other.
“Lost opportunities, lost possibilities, feelings we can never get back. That’s part of what it means to be alive. But inside our heads - at least that’s where I imagine it - there’s a little room where we store those memories. A room like the stacks in this library. And to understand the workings of our own heart we have to keep on making new reference cards. We have to dust things off every once in awhile, let in fresh air, change the water in the flower vases. In other words, you’ll live forever in your own private library.”—Kafka on the Shore
Good luck! When are you planning on going to London? I am planning a trip to Coachella next year for sure x
I hope to go just after next years (english) summer. It depends if I keep studying or if I move to Sydney. I want to do the whole Europe thing before London plus I want to avoid the Olympics. I have big decisions to make but hopefully Europe comes in the 2012 plan. Coachella was like the best experience of my life, seriously!
I have a lot of bad/weird habits. My worst one would be when I’m anxious I feel for my pulse in my neck haha. It’s so ridiculous. I do it to ensure my heart is OK to relax myself. I have a high heart rate so I spend more time freaking myself out rather than relaxing.
Annnnd my favourite song right now is Virgin by Manchester Orchestra.
Ooh, a wish! Hmm. There are a lot of things I wish for, personally.. but I think my big wish would be to be successful in completing my course and getting the job I want. Also to travel again real soon. London is next but I’d love to go to Coachella again!
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